Foot in the Mouth

I did something really stupid on Monday at work and regret it tremendously. If you know me, then you know that I am a very sensitive person. I sometimes take things way too personal and let things get to me. I have a hard time distinguishing between jokes, dry humor, sarcasm, and being serious. I guess it has a lot to do with my growing up. I was always talked down to and belittled so when I hear things that are negative about me or anything negative at all, I tend to believe it. At my last job, my old supervisor would never tell me I did anything good, but when I made a mistake, she then would give it to me. I have had times where people had to tell me they were joking so I wouldn't take it the wrong way. I guess you can say I am naive but not stupid. I might do stupid things but it doesn't make me stupid. But if it's about me or a friendship with someone, then I am going to take it serious. What happened was that I took something that someone said to me in the wrong way and was hurt by it. The stupid thing I did was I vented it out on my work email which I should know better because we have been told not to do so but I was just so upset and not thinking that I just typed up something fast and sent it. Thinking nothing about it and then to find out I sent it to the person I was venting about. Well, you can say it's Karma but in a way it was a lesson learned in my part because I am never doing that again. I need to start being more assertive and approach people and let them know how I feel. This will be very hard for me to do but I have to do it. It is a growing process. I hardly got any sleep last night because I was thinking about it all night. I couldn't eat dinner because I was sick to my stomach. The reason why I felt like this was because I truly felt hurt about what was said and it was someone I thought very highly of and thought was a close friend of mine. I guess misunderstandings can be hurtful but I just wish I wasn't so darn sensitive. I always wished I could be like those people who just don't give a damn about what anyone said or thought about them. I think they are so cool. So I decided last night I was going to approach her and talk to her about it. 

So today was the most awkward day. Even more then my first day at work. I felt as if I was going to get a call telling me to pack up my things and leave. I have never felt so scared and terrified before at work. I really thought that today was going to be my last day and I was going to get fired for not being professional at work. I am so glad I went to talk to her about it because we got to share our feelings and worked things out. But even though we did talked, I still feel like I messed up a friendship and the bond between us will never be the same. I only wish I could take it all back and I do it differently, but it's too late. The damage is done and I just hope that she can find it in her heart to forgive me and give me another chance.