Who am I?

Who am I? Well, I was born in Hawaii and was raised by my mother who is Asian. My father is White. They were divorced when I was two. Don't really remember much of my childhood with him in it. Only that I didn't get to see him that much. He remarried and had another daughter which is my half sister. I got to see them once in awhile and spend the night. His wife had a son and he would use to torment me by scaring me with his numb chucks or karate moves. Yeah big brothers are not always fun to be around. Don't get me wrong, I loved living in Hawaii and miss it till this day. I only wished I had a "normal childhood". Yeah, what is that really? You know, the kind you see on TV, like Leave it To Beaver or Cosby Show or Family Ties. Yeah right, like those really exist. I do remember my mom working very hard as a single mother. She worked as a waitress, in a Chinese restaurant, that my Grandfather owned. She would work till midnight every day with me falling asleep at the back of the restaurant, usually on bags of rice. That was not fun but that was how it was. I also got to spend lots of time with my grandparents and cousins when my mother worked. When I was 10, my mother was matched up with an Asian man from California, who now is my step father. That was very hard for me. Big transition and a wake up call for me as a teenager. I now had a father! WHAT! But now as an adult, I totally respect him and am so thankful he was so hard on me. Now my mother, was the typical Asian women who was worried about what other's thought of you. She worked very hard and made sure I had everything I needed. She wanted the best for me but at the same time she was very critical. If you have seen the movie "Joy Luck Club" then you know what I'm talking about. I am a little of the each story in that movie!! We saw that together and we both cried like babies. She told me that her mother treated her the same way so she thought that was the right way to raise her child. Anyways, that is basically what it was like as me growing up as a child. I cant even believe the things that I have done. Pretty much God was watching over me! Sorry mom and dad for making your lives so hard. I know I gave you lots of attitude during my teen age years and I know I must have been a total brat, but for what it's worth, I grew out of it and the person I am now is all because of you! Is that a good thing??? I don't know..........sure hope so!



I met my husband in college in the library. We have been together for 11 yrs this April. I was married on Jan 2, 2005. I have a 7 yr old son. Yes, I know I lived a sinful life. I had premarital sex and got pregnant and had a child out of wedlock! OMG! What hurts us only makes us stronger. I keep telling myself that. Hoping that will make me feel better. My husband, who is the father of my child, was pretty much surprised when I told him that I was pregnant. He thought he was impotent so it was a shocker to him that I could get pregnant. At that time, he was not ready for a child and told me that he wanted me to have an abortion. I was of course very upset and confused. I had just graduated from college and we had talked about marriage but he was not ready at that time. He played over seas basketball and was ready to leave t0 go to Israel to play on a team there. We spent many days arguing about what we should do. He even threatened me that he would leave me if I didn't have the abortion. Even though I was scared to lose him, my heart could not bare to have that abortion. I loved him and knowing that it was a child of ours I couldn't do it. I told him that I was going to have the baby with or without you. My mother was constantly over me telling me what I should do. She would go from what are people going to say and how are you going to raise this child alone to you have to keep the baby because it wouldn't be good for you to have an abortion. My step father had said to me that if I was going to keep the baby then I would not be able to stay at the house and that I would have to find a place of my own. He did not want any part of it. I had a hard decision to make and at that time I didn't know what to do but I knew I couldn't go through an abortion. So I decided I was going to keep the baby and raise it alone. My mother had told me that she would help. My step siblings also supported me and said they would help. I had other relatives bash me and say pretty mean things to me but I rather leave that behind. I felt good about my decision. I started looking for a place to stay. Meanwhile, the father of the baby decided to help me look for a place even though we were not together anymore. We found the perfect place and that I could afford. He also at that moment decided that he wanted to live with me and stay together. So we moved in with each other. At that was just the beginning of the drama. There is more to tell. But not today! Don't want to spill all the beans out in one day.